Dear Crazy People,
One of the great joys of my job is the email I get from readers. That someone actually finds my writing entertaining, moving, thought-provoking, or annoying enough to take the time and write to me … well, it’s rather humbling, and I do appreciate it.
When my first book came out, the letters surprised the hell out of me, probably because I’d never written such a letter (I did call Saul Bellow once, in a moment of youthful folly, to wish him a happy birthday – he was very gracious). I always assumed that authors were too busy to read fan mail, and what did I have to say to them anyway, besides, “I enjoyed your book”?
I obviously didn’t realize what a pleasure it is to simply be told, “I enjoyed your book,” until I'd written one. Anyway, it’s a beautiful thing when a complete stranger reaches out like that, and while I certainly prefer the happy letters, the critical ones are sometimes helpful, and all are welcome.
But then there is your letter.
I am, by nature, a suspicious guy, and in my books I try to pull back the curtain and look at what goes on behind the scenes. The whole idea of "secret knowledge" fascinates me. I do a lot of research, and I’m fortunate to have great sources both in and out of law enforcement.
But, for the record, what I write is fiction.
I enjoy a good conspiracy theory, and I know that conspiracies really do exist. The Gulf of Tonkin incident was a conspiracy, kept secret for almost 40 years. Watergate was also a conspiracy, of course. As were (off the top of my head) the Tuskegee Syphilis Study, Operation Paperclip, Project MKULTRA, COINTELPRO, etc., and so on, and so forth.
History is rife with conspiracies. Of those I named above, only Watergate was busted “in the act”, so people who deny the existence of conspiracies on the basis that it is “impossible to keep a secret” are fooling themselves.
Having said that…
Your letter is all kinds of crazy.
And while I’m flattered that you have selected me as the person to help you publicly expose “the hidden truth” you’ve discovered, I have some bad news for you.
You have not discovered the hidden truth.
- The Illuminati do not secretly control the Federal Reserve. Neither do "the Jews", you racist nutjob.
- The Masons do not secretly run the Catholic Church, while pretending to hate Catholics.
- The 1993 WTC bombing was not an FBI false flag op.
- The assassination of JFK was not a secret operation carried out by "the Blacks" (see, "the Jews" above).
But if you won't see a doctor (because the doctors are all conspiring against you!), if you feel compelled to expose "the hidden truth" you've discovered, you'll have to do it without me. I have my own crazy conspiracy theories to write about.
Of course, mine are true.
And although no one has yet written to me about the moon landing or Paul McCartney, I feel compelled to preempt such letters by saying: I strongly believe that we DID land on the moon, and Paul did NOT die in a car accident in 1966, only to be replaced by a look-and-sound-alike.
Call me gullible.
To writers: Do you get these letters, or do I just attract crazy people? If you do, please share, I'm eager to hear.
To all: Do you dig on conspiracies like I do? And if you do, please share your favorite.
Have a crazy day.