Thursday, July 23, 2009

Rules for Living

by Barbara D'Amato

When you buy Post-its, always get the Supersticky.

Yes, when you drive down the highway at the posted speed of seventy, and leave seven car lengths between you and the car ahead as you've been told to do, six cars will wedge themselves in between you. This behavior will continue whether you become outraged or not. Don't stress.

When you get toilet paper holders for your bathroom, get the ones that stick upright. Unless you enjoy crawling around the bathroom floor looking for a spring.

You'd need to eat four cups of cooked zucchini to get the energy-producing calories of two ounces of dark chocolate, and the chocolate is good for you.

Never buy cheap packaging tape. Your package will have ugly wrinkles, even if you don't tape yourself up.

When a pen doesn't work, throw it out. It will only sabotage you over and over otherwise.

As Joan Rivers said, always make chocolate cake. It doesn't show dirt.

Life's too short to drink cheap beer is true. You get what you pay for is not always true.

Well, these work for me. Can you add some?

23 comments:

Stevenson said...

A bartender once told me those two:

- Never go to sleep with gum in your mouth, otherwise you'll have to get a new haircut.

- Make sure that the shower curtain is inside the tub or the bathroom will become a lake.

Barbara D'Amato said...

I like those. Thanks.

Kevin S said...

Always carry a pen -- you can always find paper if you need it, but the same can't be said of a pen.

Keep an address book, and use a pencil to fill it in. You can erase and edit when people move or lose cell phones, and you either lose your PDA or watch it die before your very eye eventually.

Back up your documents

There is always room in the trunk for a blanket and a medium weight jacket, and you will need both eventually.

There is rarely any need for a photocopy to be a color photocopy.

You can do a lot of useful things with a pocketknife, assuming you have it with you. You can do nothing with the pocketknife that is in your sock drawer.

In a bureaucracy, someone eventually needs to make a decision. The first person you go to about the matter will rarely be that person.

When driving in bad weather, allign yourself whenever possible with an older and/or more durable car in front of your and a luxury vehicle behind you. It there's going to be a fender-bender, better that you skid into the 1988 Buick, and better that the 2008 Mercedes Benz skids into you.

Never shoot your gun empty.

Barbara D'Amato said...

Good rules, Kevin S. All of them. But I wish I could repeat "back up your documents" a hundred times to certain relatives.

Or a thousand times.

Bob said...

Don't put your contact lenses in after chopping up jalapeno peppers for salsa.

Michael Dymmoch said...

Keep in mind that if you can't say what you mean in other words, you don't know what you're talking about.

Remember that it always takes longer. And it always costs more.

There's no such thing as common sense.

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